Somebody I know believes that your soul decides where it needs to go before you are born. I’m not sure if I believe that, but if it is true I think I came into this body to gain wisdom from my amazing grandmother. If you haven’t already gathered we are extremely close as I was at her house nearly every day for the first twelve years of my life. We live in a sick world in need of healers and I was lucky enough to be born into her apprenticeship. It took me awhile to figure that out especially since I was sick myself, but now I realize that that is a tool rather than a hindrance.
On this last visit home I went and spent a day with her at her house and she imparted her usual earthy wisdom. This is a woman who at 81 years old still manages to do yoga twice a week, maintain a household, drive and care for a mentally disabled son. Even when she rambles I try to listen. We were lying on her bed listening to old music and talking about the village she grew up in when suddenly and without prompting the conversation shifted “A, your stomach is your second heart, when it talks…listen.” It reminded me of when I was a little girl and would put my ear on her stomach and listen to the gurgling inside her, then she would hand me her stethoscope and I would listen to the sounds amplified…it sounded like the ocean. That was when I learned we had an ocean inside. She went on, “we all have a little voice inside of us that tells us what is right or wrong, but so many of us ignore it. You have to learn to hear that voice…mine sounds like your aunt [her younger sister], I don’t know why. Sometimes I’ll hear her calling my name, Loooola.” I tried not to giggle. This is not unusual for her. Often, when I think the lesson is metaphorical it turns out to be quite literal. For her metaphor and reality are not distinguishable. The dead communicate with the living and science is magic.
Listening to your inner voice is about listening to your body. When she began to develop vertigo she went to the doctor and was perscribed pills. On the bottle it said, “Warning: May cause dizziness,” so she decided not to take those pills and instead had a conversation with her body. This was an actual conversation. She would close her eyes and say, “Body, it is time to go back to how you were before. Heal.” I don’t know how or why, but the vertigo went away shortly after.
Listening to your inner voice is also about listening to your conscious. If we all looked inward a little more I imagine the world would be a less violent and destructive place. I know I would be a better person if I was better at listening to what my gut was telling me.
This lesson from my grandmother came at the perfect time. I’ve been feeling very run down lately and have been ignoring it. I don’t want to go into it too much here, but I have a plan of action. Last night as I was drifting to sleep I imagined a healed body and the waves of my inner ocean washing away all of the accumulated hurt.